An Angel!

I have been called and angel several times in the past few weeks... When people tell me I feel weird. I don't feel like an "Angel". I don't feel that way at all. So when they say it I just smile, but on the inside I feel weird. I have tried to explain it to others, but they just don't get it. It's more then that. It's like family. Nobody ever thanks me and says I'm an angel for changing my kids' poopy diapers :) Because they don't have to.. I made a decision to have my own children because that's what made me happy...and now I am choosing to bring THEIR child into the world. Because that's what makes me HAPPY. So I am not an angel...this is something that makes my heart happy, this is something I chose to do. I love them. I love baby "L"...I love what my body is going through...and I am going to love giving birth to him and watching him grow. I am going to love watching "O" and "J" be daddies.

But anyway...just had to get that off my chest :) Other then that the pregnancy is going great! I am 28weeks now...Almost there! It is so crazy how fast it is going by! Not able to eat a lot. I can only eat small portions or else it feels like it is all going to come back up! YUCK! :) But baby L is doing absolutely perfectly and growing..and kicking..a lot.

Heartburn, shortness of breath, big belly...oh my!

So as far as updates go....where do we start? Well, baby "L" has been moving like a maniac! Keeping Aunty Amanda up with his break dancing parties when he should be mimis! I already told his daddies about it... My little tummy tenant can't seem to keep his parties under curfew. :) He is so cute though. Can't complain...that's the best part of pregnancy. I think it finally HIT me the other day our situation...I mean I have ALWAYS wanted to be a surrogate and help a family and this is REAL. It's so awesome! I have always thought of baby L as a person, but he is real to me now. Not just a dream or an egg or embryo. He has a name, a "voice" with his movements. He gets super excited when I eat. It's crazy. It's wonderful.

I was just telling O that some moments, I even forget that I'm pregnant..mostly because I'm not having a baby. THEY are. Which is really different...I got mad for a tiny second today, wondering how I let myself get *this* fat. LMAO...then I felt so stupid when I realized DUH I'm pregnant...LOL.

Hmmm well let's start with the WORST of my symptoms. Ok wait...can the first one be "brain loss?" I couldn't remember how to spell "symptom"...yikes. And I just threw up in my mouth a little because of all the heartburn. But I am very thankful for my super clear, young looking FACE skin. Can't say the same about my chest? Which has decided to look like a mine field with little red bumps everywhere...ummm...eeew. They aren't pimples, just bumps. Which is weird.
  
So more and more people have been noticing I'm pregnant, which is awesome...but kind of sucky that they are JUST NOW noticing. Do I look FAT? My belly certainly doesn't feel tiny... Let's share with the class...

GAY

Is that really such a "bad" thing? Is that REALLY something to be embarrassed about, or hide? Well...O came out to his boss today. And it "came out" to my very traditional Grandfather today. O's boss was very excited for him and even admitted that her own son recently came out to her. My Grandfather actually told me stories of gay men that he knew and said it wasn't something he is against. Which really got to me. It made me so happy to know that he approved. Not that I needed it, I mean, I am already pregnant! LOL But this is something big, this is something that is a part of my life forever. This is my family now.

It got me thinking...my Grandpa and I talked about it briefly. Having 2 dads, yes it isn't "traditional"...but what family really is now a days? I think I was more inclined to work with gay men because having 2 daddies is better then having NONE. I grew up non-traditionally. I grew up with a single mother and a biological father who never gave a crap. And made that very obvious. I would write Father's day cards to my mother. In my opinion I turned out just fine. Why? Because I grew up knowing I was loved. Even if it was only by one parent. Children don't need to grow up traditionally to grow up successful, happy, or anything else.

Little man, you were loved from the day you were just an idea.Your daddies wanted you more then anything else in the world. If you ever feel out of place, just remember that. You always stand up for your family, just as daddy "O" and I did today. Always be proud. Proud that you have 2 parents and a whole family who loves and cares for you. And if you ever need someone to write "Mother's Day" cards too...I'm here and I love you too.

<3 Aunty Amanda

Year of the Dragon

So I just read something, by chance...on yahoo. It is the Chinese "Year if the Dragon". Which happens every 12th year. Come to find out I was ALSO born in the year of the dragon. So not only will the baby and I share being a Gemini, but now we will both be DRAGONS. How cool is that? It just reassures me that this was meant to be. I was meant to bring him into the world. It just reaffirms me being a surrogate all together. Even if I don't have any other coincidences with my future surro-babies...that doesn't make them any less MEANT TO BE. If that makes sense?

At my OB appointment today everything went great and heard little man's heartbeat. I always like hearing it...makes me feel good. He kicks a lot now. I can feel it, and it's getting higher. It was actually really creepy, the other night I woke up at like 12:30am and only felt my right side of my tummy was hard and not the left. He must be growing higher in my uterus, but only likes a certain spot? He's cool. But really active. Good luck O&J! lol Speaking of that...it was really funny! At my appointment, the nurse and I were talking about children. She asked how many I had and I told her...she said well, it will be a lot of work with all 3. I was a little confused. Then i realized "OH! She is assuming I am taking this one home! lol"...So then I said out loud "Oh this baby won't come home with ME"...then SHE was the confused one. So I said "I'm a surrogate.". I was SOOOOOOO happy when she said "Wow, how sweet". I have heard so many horror stories from my many surro friends of witchy nurses. So I feel super blessed! :)

Recent cravings? Well...peaches have been in the stores! So Leah and I have been enjoying those and apricots. I also love chicken. And spicy things. I really don't enjoy sweets like I used to. Which is cool...healthy for the baby! That's all for now! :)

O&J are having a....

BOY! Man...how wonderful is it to finally know! I wasn't thinking I actually had a guess...but there was many times where I would slip and say "He" or "him"...So I think deep down I knew! :) I am so happy for them! This is the first grandson on O's side!  :)  I am so proud of my little surro baby! What wonderful news! And he would NOT stay still! What an active little guy... I love it! It was so amazing to see him moving and giving the ultrasound tech attitude! :) What a strong lil man! I am the happiest surro mommy around right now. So proud!

I am a bad blogger...

Yes, I do confess...I am a horrible blogger. Most of the time I am just busy! I am so sorry. I will try harder! :) But I am happy to announce that today marks our 15th week! YAY! Baby is now the size of a naval orange. Which is way better and bigger then a PEACH at week 13...which I am STILL craving. And umm, who would have known...it's not in season! Grrr. So I have been trying my hardest to satisfy the craving. I got a peach smoothie a few times. But nope.. didn't work!


So let's get on with how the pregnancy is going...It's going great! I am off ALL meds, yesterday was my LAST blood work. I feel like a new woman! Like this is now a REAL pregnancy. Not to mention I have no more sickness. And wouldn't you know it...I am actually starting to "look" pregnant. :)

Christmas was great! I got my package from O&J maybe a week before Christmas...Didn't open until day of. It was a ladybug pillow pet! We all had lady bug pendants at the transfer :) They bring me luck! :) So that was very thoughtful. Then my children and I received cards from them! WONDERFUL and sweet...and thoughtful. THEN, Christmas Eve I was laying down to put my little one down for a nap. I decided it was time for a mommy nap too! :) And I hear banging on the door. I'm like "Really, right now?!" and I was a little irritated...until I answered the door to this beautiful arrangement and the man asked if I was Amanda. I said YES! My mood totally changed from being annoyed to so surprised and happy :) Then a little bit hungry after I see my favorite! CANTALOUPE! The rest was delicious...but let me tell you, my kids and I attack cantaloupe. So it was wonderful! :)

And yes...I AM getting better at pictures! I am actually almost professional with downloading now. Yup...ME!

Well anyway, we have our next appointment on Jan 10th and that is our gender determination! :) So...any guesses? For me...It could really go either way. I am not sure, there have been signs of it being both. According to old wives tales of course! :) Until next time... <3

Hot Cheetos and Nacho Sauce.

So, cravings lately...totally craving spicy food! Last night I made my brother go with me to get hot wings! mmmm...I only got them "mild" because I knew I would have crazy heart burn! And I did! I was up last night with crazy heart burn! :) But well worth it, craving satisfied! Not much has gone on lately...

We had an NT scan a few days ago. It was great, the baby was moving. Kicking and waiving it's little arms. It was amazing to see. We have another ultrasound, which should be the gender determination on Jan 10th. I am excited for that one too! I am having mixed thoughts on what it is... I think girl sometimes, but then get feelings it's a boy sometimes too! I just can't wait until O comes out again. I always like hanging out with him. I just wish that J could come too! But he has to work, so totally understandable! :)

I am 12 weeks and 3 days today and have been getting a lot of my energy back. I haven't been feeling AS sick, but it still comes and goes and I have to watch what I do sometimes. I have a little belly, now that the bloating has gone down. When I lean against things I can almost feel like a little ball inside. I ordered a few maternity items from Old Navy, which don't quite fit yet...but it's nice to put on some jeans that don't squish me. I can't wait to get bigger! :)